Ha ha ha..... I got a new hand phone, and ha ha ha, I don't how to use it..... Maybe it is just age, I remember, whenever given a new gizmo, I can do anything with it, without having to read the instruction. I was the man in the house, plugging all the wires to the machines, criss cross wires to TV, Astro, DVD, u name it, I can do it....... I find this little phone a bit challenging to, which it ended up back in the box. I was thinking I could check my emails, do facebook, blogging or whatever, as long I am connected in my digital world, but emmm....., not sure if it was the brightess idea, especially when bought in anger... alamak, I messed up again.........grrrr

Starting new isn't easy.  I basically have to change tonnes of my personal details, so I can start new without being harassed by him.  My worry if he comes and take my daughter away.  I am in hiding now.  Living with a friend who is nice enough to put me up for awhile.

I feel kind of scared of the life that I am offering to my daughter, always on the run and avoiding many things that may collide with my plans.  I am just waiting for the right time to exit KL.  Still checking on the possibility of migrating and friends abroad who can help me out. Have to disposed the assets and close the business.  As at present time, my request for a divorce is still not granted. I know the consequences of a woman asking for a divorce in Islam, berdosa besar, but I can't lie to myself, saying that I am going to be happy even for the sake of my daughter.

All the money in the world will not be able to buy my happiness again, for I know in my heart my one true love is gone forever.  I have to live now with decision that I have made, and hope that this decision is the right one, no matter how painful it is to me.  To every step that I take to erase all the past I had, the more I remember the good times I had. A friend told me that is it worth the pain for me to do this (perhaps out of satisfaction) to get back to him, that I need to look at the dark side of the relationship rather than working it out.  I have tried not to see the black spot on the white wall, but unfortunately there were too many.  I may have my flaws and mistakes in this relationship, but I should never be punished in such a way, the most painful way a woman can take in a marriage.  I would say, that divorce is unavoidable here.

Wish me luck.  God, please give me strength in every step that I take.